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My Christian roots, faith, family, and friends helped me to survive my devastation in losing my grandson. Through much prayer and music, I was able to get back up again to carry on. I found comfort and hope in many songs and I would sing along with tears flowing.
The Following seven songs had the most impact on my soul and survival. I hope you can find comfort in them as well:
Tell Your Heart to Beat Again – Danny Gokey
After I had started to come out of the numbness and daze of the initial alienation from our grandson, this song played an important role in helping my heart to heal. I was probably sick and numb for a good two months, and I was pleading and praying to God to guide me to find him.
I had started the process of seeking visitation with the help of a lawyer as I gathered my evidence to put together our case. This anthem is about getting back into life after the darkness and despair and pain of loss.
Song Excerpt:
So, get back up
Take Step one
Leave the darkness
Feel the sun
Cause your story’s far from over
And your journey’s just begun…
Even If –Mercy Me
The realization that I may never see my grandson again, if that was God’s will, was difficult for me to accept. Even If I was never able to see my grandson again, I still trusted and loved God because He is the only hope I have. God has blessed me in so many ways. He does things at his will, not ours. He knows what we don’t know…Even if, his will is not ready for us to reconnect with our grandchildren.
Song Excerpt:
I know you’re able
And I know you can
Save through the fire
With your mighty hand
But EVEN IF you don’t
My Hope is you alone…
Overcomer – Mandisa
Overcomer is an upbeat, motivating song about the strength we have to keep going and never give up. There were times I just didn’t know if I could go on; times I didn’t think I was making any progress and running into dead ends; times I was frightened from threats from my son and girlfriend; and times, I was sick with worry about what my grandson was feeling without me.
Song Excerpt:
You’re an Overcomer,
Stay in the fight till the final round
You’re not going under
Cause God is holding you right now
You might be down for a moment
Feeling like it’s hopeless
That’s when He reminds you
That you’re an Overcomer
Different – Micah Tyler
The singer, Micah Tyler, had experienced devastating news and more devastating loss and he was praying to God and asking “can you just change these things I’m going through”. He then had a revelation to ask God, “Can you change me so I can handle the things you’re walking me through?”
I wanted to be changed too…Change me so that I am a beacon of God’s love and people will see the strength and goodness of me, and the fire for God’s love inside me.
Song Excerpt:
Oh, I know I’m far from perfect
Through you the cross still says I’m worth it
Take this beating in my heart
And come and finish what you started
When they see me,
Let them see You
Because I just want to be different…
Thy Will – Hillary Scott (Lady Antebelum) and the Scott Family
Thy Will is a somber, gut wrenching ballad. The song describes the confusion and bewilderment we are feeling when we experience crisis or tragedy. We plead with God, asking him why would He let something happen that is so devastating to us. God knows what we don’t know, and in his time, his Will be Done…even if it isn’t what we wanted.
Song Excerpt:
I know you’re good,
But this don’t feel good right now
And I know you think
Of things I could never think about
Its hard to count it all joy
Distracted by the noise
Just trying to make sense
Of all your promises
Sometimes I gotta stop
Remember that you’re God
And I am NOT
So, Thy Will be Done, Thy Will be Done
Thy will be done like the child on my knees all that comes to me is
Thy Will be Done…
Bulletproof – Citizen’s Way
Bulletproof reminded me to remain courageous and strong, knowing I am wearing the armor of God, to help me to survive what I’m going through. I would sing this at the top of my lungs in my car and I felt renewed hope and strength.
Song Excerpt:
I used to live like I was under attack
Dodging nails from my past
I had no hope for tomorrow
Felt so much pressure
Yes I thought I would crack
But now there’s no looking back
I’m moving forward cause I know
I’ve got my armor now
No fear, no doubt can shoot me down
I got my armor now, no fear no doubt
Gonna shoot me down, down, down, down,
Now I’m Bulletproof, because of you, because of you
And now I’m Bulletproof, because of you, because of you
You love me the way, now I’m not afraid
No matter what the world may say
Or what they do
I am bulletproof because of you, because of you
Praise You in this Storm – Casting Crowns
The hurt and fear were agonizing and difficult to endure. I continued to thank God for the blessings he has given to me and my family. We were going through a torrential storm of pain. However, I never stopped praising God because he is my hope, my protector, and my grandson’s protector. Whatever the outcome, God is with us whether we like what is happening or not.
Song Excerpt:
I was sure by now
That you would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say Amen
And it’s still raining
As the thunder rolls
I barely hear you whisper through the rain
I’m with you
As your mercy falls, I raise my hands
And praise the God who gives
And takes away
I will praise you in this storm
And I will lift my hands
That you are who you are
No matter where I am
And every tear I cry
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn,
I will praise you in this storm…
Wishing you all strength, perseverance, faith and hope as you continue on with your journey to reunite with your grandchildren.
GrammaWarrior
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