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When my grandson was taken from us, I had no idea where he was. His mother made “a run for it” out of state and we had zero clue as to where they had gone. I was sick, literally sick, dazed, lost, and frozen with fear.
We raised our grandson in our home for his first two years of life. He loved us, and we absolutely loved him. It was as if we were parents all over again due to the trouble our son and girlfriend had gotten themselves into.
Not only did I hurt, but more so, I hurt for our grandson and how confused he must have been.
How did I survive it? In almost “robotic” fashion, I just got up and moved, searched, researched, and planned. I got out of the house and stayed busy with not only my legal strategies to find and get access to my grandson, but also in the other parts of my life that I used to enjoy and that defined me as a person.
In no way was this easy. I felt dead inside, but I moved, I did, I survived…
Following are ten suggestions that may be beneficial in surviving grandparent alienation:
1. If you have other grandchildren, stay connected with them. If they are near, plan an outing or activity. Yes, it still hurts, it’s still in the back of your mind, but it’s not in the front of your mind if you purposefully try to focus on your other little loves.
2. Do you volunteer? My daughter is a 4th grade teacher and I had previously visited her classroom quite frequently to help out or take pictures of the kids. I forced myself to once again go to her classroom a few times a month and honestly, that talkative gaggle of 4th graders kept me occupied…at least temporarily.
3. Get a dose of Vitamin D sunshine! Walk, hike, garden, do outdoor projects. Pray fervently during these activities. Wear headphones on your walks and listen to music, podcasts, or your favorite spiritual speaker. Personally, I love Joyce Meyer, and I listened to her inspirational sermons of hope, love, and encouragement.
4. Join support groups on Facebook for alienated grandparents. Yes, they do exist, and you’re not alone. These groups such as “Support and Healing for Alienated Grandparents”, “Alienated Grandparents”, “GRACE – Grandparents Rights and Children Equality” or a “Grandparents Rights Advocates National Delegation” group for your state. Alienated Grandparents Annonymous (AGA) Incorporated is the headquarters in Florida and has a wealth of resources and information on their website at www.aga-fl.org.
5. Write in a journal or diary. Write to get your feelings out, your pain, your questions, and fears. Let our your raw emotions. They say it is therapeutic. Write in a journal to your grandchild about memories of times spent together, your family history, dreams, and your loving thoughts and feelings.
6. Talk to a therapist/counselor/Pastor. Sometimes you need help from mental health professionals or spiritual professionals. There is no shame in this, but strength for getting the help which can benefit you in the long run.
7. Take care of others. This may fall into the “volunteer” section, but focusing on other’s needs can help you forget some of your anguish. Do you have an elderly parent or friend who may need some help cleaning, or shopping? Maybe you have a friend who has been diagnosed with a serious illness who needs cheering up in one way or another. Try to divert your attention to helping others within your circle.
8. Play with your pet OR get a new pet. The unconditional and adoring love of a pet can help to fill that void of loss and heartbreak, if at least for short periods of time. Their playfulness, cuddles, cuteness, and complete reliance on their owner for their wellbeing can be a much needed distraction from the pain we are experiencing.
9. Pamper yourself – soak in the tub, listening to music, or reading a book; get a massage, a manicure, or go on a date with your significant other.
10. Create that playlist. Creating a music playlist was a “biggie” for me because many of my songs were Christian contemporary songs by today’s popular Christian singers. These songs are about hope, forgiveness, strength and courage in the face of adversity. The songs helped me to feel God’s love, get closer to him in prayer, and I became stronger as I endured my pain and sorrow.
Stay strong Warriors!
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