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Our visits with our grandson had been reestablished and consistent, and it seemed that our relationships were moving along with our son and his girlfriend. The work I did when the initial alienation took place is now in the past. Thinking back, it was all so draining, scary, depressing, and sickening as I did the research, gathered the facts, affidavits, etc., to prepare for court in hopes of winning our grandparent visitation rights. Not only was this mentally draining, but also financially draining with the lawyer fees. Even after we were granted the visitation, the financial commitment was huge since our grandson now resided in a state on the other side of the US.
As mentioned in previous articles, we raised our grandson for his first two years after DCS removed him at birth from his parents. We were also a major caregiver, and in his life up until he was 3 years old before he was taken out of state. We developed a strong bond and attachment, like that of a parent/child relationship, so I was determined to see him as often as possible. I did not want him to feel abandoned, or wonder where we were, and I wanted him to feel the comfort, safety, love, and assurance that he had with us. Separation attachment is real and can cause behavioral and wellbeing issues.
I didn’t care how much I had to raid from my retirement account, I was not letting this little boy down. The first year of visitation, we saw him 8 times, either in his new state or I was able to bring him back home for his summer family visit. As the three and a half years went by and he knew we would always be in his life, I started to cut back on the visits so as not to disturb his new life and let him get used to and accepting of his family life, new community and town. He always knew we would be back, and his parents told him the same.
It doesn’t take much for all of this to change. As a matter of fact, much progress was being made (at least in my eyes) in our relationship with our estranged son. I thought we were on our way to rebuilding a fractured relationship, but in an instant, something snapped, mostly with our grandson’s mother, and we were ghosted, reprimanded, and scolded through text messages about how bad we are, and referring to an incident/exchange of words that took place a year and a half ago.
Even after this incident/exchange of words in 2021, and up until this cutoff, we were texting each other, making plans, doing video calls, and the likes, and this is why I thought our relationships were improving. In the last four months I have been able to have two video calls with our grandson, much because of my pleading and persistence. This is far less than in the past with our video calls every 2 to 3 weeks or even once a month.
My next visit is coming up in less than a month and our grandson’s parents are aware of this, but I receive no acknowledgement or response from them. I have reread our court papers, printed out the agreement that we reached back in 2017, and I’ll make my trip as planned with suitcase, backpack, and court papers in hand, just in case…wish me luck!
Stay strong Warriors!
I can do all things through Christ who Strengthens Me – Phillipians 4:13
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It saddens me so much for the kids! I know that they look forward to you coming and taking them out of the house for their sanity. The bond you re-established and the fight that went with doing that, makes me angry for these two adults who cannot emotionally contain themselves. It sounds like they need someone to blame for their insecurities or possibly relationship problems in the home. They are re-directing their focus on you rather than each other. Like a Dictator, they have to find a scapegoat to cover up their true motives. Something is wrong here, and I pray God gives you the discernment needed to confront this battle.
Very observant and so spot on Peggy! Thank you for your support and prayers. I go to see my grandson next week and I have no idea what I’m walking into.