It’s the Love, not the Blood

I have a confession! I am told that I am a STEP GRANDMA. Yes, the dreaded Step Grandma! It almost conjures up images of the evil Stepmother from Cinderella. But does this word “STEP” mean anything different, or change anything to a loving grandchild? Most, at a young age, don’t even comprehend the word “STEP” Grandma. Gramma is Gramma, not STEP Gramma.

Sometimes, my grandkids, (from one of my stepsons), will say, “My mom (or insert some other relative) says that you’re not my real grandma because you’re not blood”. I can see confusion, particularly in my youngest grandson’s eyes since we raised him for the first 2 plus years of his life, while his parents completed their remedial classes in order to get their kids back from foster care.

So, do you think this grandson, who looked into our eyes for comfort, nurturing, and protection, understands or thinks that me not having his blood makes me any less his Gramma; or that my love is any less for him, or his for me? We have a bond, an attachment, that comes as natural as breathing, especially since we, the kinship caregivers, were who this child saw and interacted with in his early formative years.

When adults must constantly repeat the “STEP” word to their kids, it does nothing but confuse them. And almost always the adult does this due to jealousy, spite, or simply because there was a squabble or disagreement. I have spent a lot of time trying to explain to our grandson, “OK, Grampa and Gramma were married to other people before we met. After we got divorces, we met each other and fell in love, and got married and we all became a family which included our kids – the two boys from Grampa, and the boy and a girl from Gramma. And then our two boys from Grampa’s side had kids, and you are one of those kids, so I am your Gramma because I’m married to Grampa”.

My grandson and I now have our own mantra to thwart off the naysayers, “It’s the Love, not the Blood” that matters, and he doesn’t hesitate to inform anyone of this fact. He once told me that his heart and my heart are hooked together, and mind you, this is an 8-year-old speaking.

We also have two other grandchildren from my oldest stepson, and we once got into a deep discussion as they were curious about the family tree. I gave them my explanation to help piece it all together and as we talked about the “step grandparent” concept, my oldest grandson interrupted me to say, “You’re just Gramma and I’ve known you all of my life and I love you”.

I’m not going to lie and say it doesn’t bother me a little when I must explain who I am. But I am the adult in the room and prefer to take the high road and not play into the unkind or unwise words or ideas that some adults insist on saying. The kids just don’t need this confusion. The fact is, my two stepsons have children, and my two kids don’t, as of yet. When my “blood” kids are ready to have their own children, I will not love my “blood” grandchildren more and my step grandchildren less. There will be no difference in my love for my grandchildren period.

So, as I pondered this topic, I was curious as to what others have said about the definition of family or the “blood vs. non-blood” relationships. There was no shortage of wonderful quotes, stories, or anecdotes that I found online (and credit goes to the writers of these gems). Here are ten of my favorites:

*Family isn’t always the one you’re born into. Sometimes it’s about people who get into your blood, inside your heart, and under your skin all on their own.

*Family may come to us from other bloodlines –
When the ones with which we shared a womb are unable to love us back
We realize then –
It is more than blood that binds us.
We are spiritual kin.

*When I think of the love we feel, I can’t believe my luck. This is my family, and we chose each other.

*What you cherish forever, the people you see when you first open your eyes, and hopefully when you last close them – where involuntary and unconditional love exists is a unit of irreplaceable souls.

*A family isn’t a mindset, it is a bond that only you get, this bond is not blood, it is heart, that only you feel.

*Family is the anchor that grounds us, providing a sense of belonging and a support system that extends far beyond biological connections.

*True family transcends biology; it’s an extraordinary composition of kindred spirits, chosen affections, and an endless symphony of love.

*Family is the collection of hearts that beat together, regardless of whether they share the same bloodline.

*In the tapestry of life, family isn’t solely woven with blood, but with threads of love, compassion, and shared moments.

*Family is the chosen tribe that we assemble, united by a deep bond that transcends the limitations of biology.

You can find many more of these words of wisdom online, in books, or just talking with grandparents in the same situation.

The bottom line is if you want to be a Gramma and you love your grandkids, whether step or blood; and you bring them joy as they bring you joy; and you would care for and protect them with every fiber of your being; and your heart is full when you’re around them, THEN, YOU ARE A GRAMMA, a bonefide, card carrying GRAMMA!

God bless you, Warriors!
Love,
GrammaWarrior